


Say you won't let go

by PinkFluffyBabboonButt



Series: My songfics [2]
Category: Death Note
Genre: Eating Disorder, M/M, Mello doesn't die, Mello stops being an asshole to Near, Near stops being a stoic moron, some fluffy stuff here and there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-28 07:09:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 10,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8436238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkFluffyBabboonButt/pseuds/PinkFluffyBabboonButt
Summary: Mello never died because his name was written wrong.*Unbeta-d*





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was quite heartbroken by Mello's death so I tried to find any sort of plot hole with which I could write a fix-it fic. I didn't find any but I found a funny image in tumblr where Mello's name is written in Cyrillic letters. With that and some stupid twists I managed to come up with an au where Mello didn't die. Nonetheless, this is actually a songfic inspired by James Arthur's "Say You Won't Let Go" and not a fix-it fic.
> 
> I hope you guys like this and if you don't feel free to leave constructive criticism :).

When the truck had been found Near's heart had been in his throat. A metaphor Near would have snickered at before but not anymore. It truly felt like his heart had jammed into his throat. They'd found two dead bodies in the charred remains of the old church and the truck. One had been successfully identified as Kiyomi Takada's body but the other had remained unidentified. However, it didn't need identification. They all knew already who it belonged to. Near knew who it belonged to. First time in years a tear slipped down his cheek. Luckily, no one noticed it through his messy locks.

No matter what Mello might've said if he were alive, Near knew very well that after the death of Matt, his best friend, brother even, Mello hadn't cared about becoming _the_ successor to L anymore. All he wanted was to catch the damn cold blooded murderer with God complex. That's why he'd pulled the stupid stunt after hearing about Matt's death. He gave up on his life so Near could get an upper hand on Kira.

Sure it wasn't entirely for Near but for Mello nothing had ever been about Near. Yet it never stopped Near from loving the chocoholic boy. May Mello want it or not, mean it or not, Near owed this one to Mello.

Which is why after Mello's death Near's resolution to catch Kira became even stronger. In fact, it came to the point where he no longer cared about risking everyone else's or his own life, just like L hadn't, thus he became the perfect L. But after Mello died being the perfect L felt awful. It was supposed to be him with his cold logic and Mello with Mello's proneness to danger. Suddenly having Mello's anger and danger made Near feel melancholic and nauseated at the same time. He didn't want to be the perfect pack, the first, no, all he wanted was Mello to be there to make him perfect.

So if Teru Mikami was going to kill them with his dramatic shouts of _"Delete"_ then so be it. He owed this one to Mello.


	2. Chapter 2

She'd tried. She'd really tried to please Kira even at the brink of her death. But how could she have realized through her blind trust for Kira that Kira had made more than enough mistakes and pretty silly ones too. Which is why despite Kiyomi Takada's vain attempt Mello survived the fire in the nick of time. However, Mello himself wasn't sure which stupid mistake of Kira's had saved him from a premature death.

At first Mello wasn't sure where he was heading. It was as if his feet had already chosen a direction and were dragging his frozen brains with them. After all Mello didn't have any place to go. The hidden base had been destroyed long ago besides how on earth would he have gone there in this state? Apart from the base he had always had a place to go but only because Matt made sure to keep one ready but now Matt was gone.

It took surprising amount of time, almost two months of undercover, for him to reach his destination. After Kira's execution the crazed followers of Kira had put up quite a ruckus all around Japan. Although technically Mello should've been safe from them, he wasn't. The crazed people, particularly those of them who hadn't gotten a visit from the police force yet were terrorizing the streets and were hurting anyone suspicious. And Mello had more than enough reasons to appear suspicious.

Mello realized his initial decision to keep walking only after reaching the base. Of course, no matter how much he despised the boy, he was the only person left in Mello's life. There was no other place, no other person who could help Mello. Who could keep him as safe as L or, and specially, Matt had.

When he reached Near's base a very disappointing sight awaited him. The place was shrouded in darkness. Not a single window illuminated any light. The alarms seemed to be turned off and Mello couldn't see a single guard in the premises. Walking to the main hall was a child's play. For a moment Mello wondered if Near had already left the base behind. Maybe returned to Wammy? Or gotten a better, fancier base? Despite the growing dread inside him, Mello kept heading for the offices where Near would most probably be.

To his relief when Mello reached the sliding doors he heard footsteps. The building wasn't entirely abandoned yet. Quickly he hid into the shadows as two, seemingly new, recruits hauled two heavy looking bags towards the room.

"I don't get why he insists on eating all this chocolate. I heard L consumed a lot of sugar but unlike L he can't even keep it down." One of them complained.

"It's just these geniuses and their whims. It's not like we have to do the cleaning or anything. So just shut up and let's get the chocolate to him." The other man said.

"But I can't take the smell anymore. Despite the air vents and everything the place still reeks. And what I've heard from others is that this chocoholism is new for him. It only started after Kira got caught. This better be a short period whim or I'm quitting." The former man said before vanishing through the doors.

What was the man talking about? He couldn't have meant anyone else but Near. But why would Near eat chocolate? And for almost a month? Mello was well aware of Near inability to keep chocolate down. Or any kind of sugary food for that matter. It wasn't about his metabolism. It was more about his preferences. Near didn't like sugary food at all. Then why?

Mello was still standing when one of the earlier men, the one who'd whined stumbled out of the doors, looking pale. An awful gurgling noise escaped the doors before they slid close again. It must've been Near. What the fuck was he doing? Mello had to know.

With a few swift strides Mello was at the doors. It didn't take much for Mello to knock the man unconscious before he could even react properly. He would've preferred death but at the moment he had neither equipment nor the motivation for it. No one noticed Mello slipping in as everyone seemed to be busy either trying to help Near, who sternly denied. Or they tried to keep themselves from running out. The room truly reeked bad.

For a while all Mello could do is stare at the sight in front of him. Near had chosen a dark corner for himself to do whatever he thought he was doing and whoever tried to get near him got hit by... Mello couldn't help the smirk lifting his lips upwards. The white haired boy was throwing building blocks at whoever tried to come near him. And it seemed like he had given one of his men the task of picking the blocks up and bringing them back to him so he could fling them back at the rest of them. To be honest there weren't many people and only a few of those who were present, seemed to be trying to help Near. They either tried to snatch the chocolate bar from his tight grip or talk some sense into him. Nothing worked.

A while later when Near was done with simultaneously vomiting and flinging coloured cubes at people the tension in the room seemed to go away a little. But no one still noticed Mello, which seriously began to bug Mello. Was this new whim of Near's so bad that they actually let people just slip in like that? Anyone could've come in by now and killed all of them.

As everyone observed Near, Mello observed them before letting himself focus on Near. The boy was chewing on chocolate again. It seemed like the freak had finally gone nuts. Mello watched as Near kept gulping down each bite with a lot of effort. It took two and a half chocolate bars before anyone tried to stop Near again. The lady had sneaked up on Near from the side. The usually so careful boy hadn't noticed a single thing. What was wrong with him? Once the lady had sneaked up close enough she waited a little before quickly snatching the half eaten chocolate bar from Near's hand. 

Mello had never thought he'd get to see the day when Near would lose his composure. The boy, nearly in his twenties, was practically throwing a hissy fit as if he were two. He shouted at the woman to return the chocolate bar. When she didn't he turned back to get a new chocolate bar only to notice that someone had taken the bag away. Now _that_ started the real show. Near literally shouted and screamed (yet managing to appear stoic), even tried to kick one of his men the way Mello had seen L do when he was younger. However, nothing worked, and soon Near was a mess lying on the floor.

That's when Mello noticed the tiny object in Near's other hand. It was a clay figure. Of him. Mello couldn't believe his eyes. Could this all be because of him? Could Near be mourning him? In this way? The blond boy wasn't sure if he should be happy that someone actually mourned for him or disgusted by the way Near mourned for him. Or horrified that only his sworn enemy was left to mourn for him.

Suddenly Near's body began to twitch in the tell-tale way that got all of the people working for him cautious. Another lady came with a bucket while some tried to busy themselves and a few, once again, attempted to help Near, who wasn't having any of it. Despite the pathetic guard around the base Mello had to admit that Near's ability to vomit and fling toys at people was impressive.

This time however, Mello's amusement and disbelief morphed into actual worry. Near was twitching more and more and no one was able to help him. In fact, now that Mello looked carefully, the jerks weren't even actually trying to help Near. They were just hovering around Near. No matter how stupid Near's way of mourning for him was, Mello still had enough chivalry in him to finally step out of the shadows and daring his way to the younger boy.

Before anyone could attack him Mello had dug his gun out and pointed it at Near, who was still oblivious to everything around him. The gun was empty but it wasn't like anyone knew that. Pathetic, it was so pathetic how Near's new team just dispersed away. God, who the hell had chosen them to work for Near? Mello felt like he was acting in a terrible parody.

It took Mello a little effort to reach the boy through the brick rain but it wasn't really that hard. Near was wearing out, flinging the bricks aimlessly, his head ducked into the bucket, now the twitching even worse. After getting to Near Mello still kept the gun pointed at Near while he lifted his free hand to gently rub the fragile boy's back.

"Leave me be, please." Near choked through the dry gurgles.

"You can boss them around but not me, freak." Mello huffed making Near's shoulders tense.

Before any of the boys could say or do anything else an angry shout from the doors made Mello snap his head up. It was Stephen Gevanni. Mello remembered him from the visit he'd paid Near to get the photo of himself back. Finally someone with some sense in his head.

"You incompetent fools! Who is he? And how did he get in?" The black haired man roared.


	3. Chapter 3

The other people, about fifteen of them as Mello counted, quickly got into their positions. It seemed like Near's present state hadn't been enough to convince them that they were working for the biggest genius in the entire world, they needed someone like Gevanni to boss them around too. Then again whatever Near's whim was supposed to be wasn't from the brightest end.

Mello was still holding the gun above Near's head pointing it right at the crown of Near's head. Seeing the gun made Stephen stop to his tracks and instead think through before acting on impulse to save his boss. It wasn't much, since at least Stephen was smart enough to actually dare to stand against Mello, but it bought enough time for Mello to focus on the matter at hands.

Near was still twitching awfully under his tight grip. As Near calmed down a little Mello let his head go, making the white locks fall over Near's face again, and began to draw soothing circles on Near's back. Suddenly Near turned his head to look over his shoulder.

"Mello. You are alive." The white haired boy smiled making Mello freeze. The smile looked delighted and sad at the same time. Near also looked exhausted to the point where Mello couldn't help but wonder if the boy had energy left to even crouch on the floor. Just in case, Mello pulled Near closer to his chest as the shorter boy turned back to the bucket to dry heave a little before actually collapsing into Mello's embrace.

"You should get some rest, freak." Mello whispered to Near, cradling him properly in his arms.

"You should stay here before you start looking for another base. I can tell commander Rester to arrange an apartment in this building for you." Near managed to croak back. It was the longest string of words he'd said in quite a while and it left Near even more tired.

Mello had entirely forgotten that this base was supposed to also house all the employees. No wonder all the darkness had bothered him so much. Where were rest of the workers and employees apart from Near's team?

"I already told ya, you need rest." Mello spat at the boy. He couldn't help it, this was the only way he'd ever talked to Near. And it wasn't like Near was going to get really offended by it. And if he did, well, that's what Mello had aimed for. Although Mello hoped that he wasn't offended, not after that smile.

"Commander Rester," Near managed to croak for the last time before finally passing out in Mello's arms. It was only then that the yellow haired boy noticed that Halle Lidner and Anthony Rester had joined them at some point. Rester and Gevanni were pointing their guns at him but Lidner who'd recognized Mello stops the men from doing anything stupid.

"Stop both of you. It's him, can't you see?" She chided the men who reluctantly lowered their guns.


	4. Chapter 4

Lidner kept a strict eye on Mello while the two men hauled Near up on one of the couches on one corner of the huge office occupied only by the aforementioned couches and a big bunch of different computers and screens. Mello would've preferred an actual room for Near but he knew better than to come up with any opinions while being at Lidner's gunpoint.

Once Near was safe and securely tucked in, Lidner pointed her gun at the other couches wordlessly ordering Mello to take a seat. Grumbling Mello sat down with Lidner still next to him with her gun while Gevanni and Rester sat across warily keeping an eye on Mello.

"You can stop with all that glaring. I won't kill Near." Mello tried to lighten up the mood. "At least not today," he added. He knew right after spilling the words that saying them was a huge mistake but he couldn't help it. After all he was talking about his sworn enemy. Sooner or later one of them would cause death to the other. But not today.

"What do you want Mello?" Lidner snapped at the snickering boy.

"Just a place to stay a while. Then I'll get lost only to come back to kill all of you." Mello said blowing at his nails as if he was describing the most tedious job ever.

"You!" Rester growled at the yellow haired boy. Gevanni had to stop him before he lost all the control.

"Sir, getting mad at him won't help. I think we have to keep him here even if it sounds awful. Didn't you see how he'd calmed Near in a matter of moments." Gevanni explained.

Lidner had already stopped Rester from killing Mello and now Gevanni was doing the same. Rester couldn't help but wonder if the two of them lost their minds. Calming or not, Rester wasn't going to let the overly proud and maniac boy anywhere near Near. It didn't take long before the three of them were arguing about who gets to make the decision. After a lengthy argument when their voices had raised high enough to almost stir Near up from his sleep the three agents grudgingly decided to give in and hope Mello wouldn't wreck anything up.

Half an hour later one of the apartments was fully cleaned and set up for Mello. Before following Lidner to his room Mello glanced at the sleeping boy once more. He was sleeping peacefully and for now that's all Mello could bring himself to care about.

That night Mello tossed and turned in his bed thinking of the whole chocolate eating whim of Near's. He was still trying to process it in his mind when the digital clock on his nightstand beeped to show it was three in the morning. Knowing, he wasn't going to get proper sleep anymore Mello got up and headed for the kitchen of the apartment he'd been given. Soon the lovely smell of chocolate syrup on pancakes and coffee drafted throughout the house.

About an hour later Mello found himself in the main office. Unsure of what had possessed him into bringing the remaining food on a tray for the white haired boy he put the tray down on the table next to the couch.

"Near!" He whisepered hoping he won't attract the three agents who were strewn on the couches to stay close to Near even as they slept. They were quite a pain in the ass and Mello would rather not deal with them first thing in the morning.

If earlier night hadn't been enough to prove how exhausted Near actually had gotten than this morning proved it quite well. Usually, Near who wouldn't even sleep much, would wake up by the very presence of someone else in his territory but now it took Mello a few tries before Near opened his black owlish eyes. The boy groggily turned his head at the source of the whisper.

"Yes?"

"I brought you breakfast," Mello said. Suddenly the whole idea of bringing Near some breakfast felt stupid. And of all things he'd brought him pancakes covered in chocolate syrup. As if the younger boy hadn't had enough with the chocolate bars only a several hours earlier. Hastily he tried to pull the tray back from Near who had just managed to prop it properly over his legs. However, despite his exhausted state Near kept a tight grip on the tray, or Mello didn't try hard enough in fear of splashing hot coffee over the younger boy.

"It's alright Mello." Near said realizing what made Mello pull the tray back, "The pancakes and the coffee will counter the chocolate syrup, of course, only if you didn't put sugar in them too."

Mello shook his head and with nothing better to do he sat next to Near's feet only to end up watching as the boy took small bites and gulps. Despite his weak state Near acted as if he had been given a death sentence in the form of eating. Finishing one pancake was so painstakingly slow that Mello couldn't resist it anymore and he dove in for one leaving only one more pancake for Near to eat.

Near didn't mind.

He went on sipping the cold coffee while blatantly staring at Mello as if he wasn't able to decide whether he was hallucinating or if Mello was actually sitting by his feet munching on a pancake. Mello thanked his lucky stars for the food as it kept both of them busy in this otherwise extremely awkward situation. Once the breakfast was over both boys sat in awkward silence trying to come up with something not awkward to say.

Finally Near gave in. The breakfast had cleared up his mind making all of his senses work perfectly. He reeked of chocolate and sickly sweet vomit. His clothes felt awful and the morning grogginess left him annoyed.

"I should go and freshen up," He said to Mello who looked alarmed when Near suddenly pushed the tray back on the table.

Calming after the explanation Mello muttered "Yeah, you're looking freakier than usually. Freak."

A strange glint flashed through Near's eyes that left Mello confused. The white haired boy simply half smiled at him and turned away. "I'm glad you chose to come here." He said before walking away from Mello.


	5. Chapter 5

When Near came back looking all fresh and his signature self he stumbled upon three of his best agents ganging up against Mello who was growling at the three of them to leave him alone.

"Commander Rester," Near said attracting the older man's attention. "Leave him alone, the breakfast wasn't poisoned."

The three agents turned at him in awe as if the reason of their argument wasn't obvious by the way Lidner had been pointing at the empty tray on the table.

"I'd rather prefer you got him new clothes. I'm sure he's as much in need of fresh clothes and a proper bath as I'd been this morning." He went on while heading for his earlier spot on the couch while twirling a lock of his hair between his index finger and thumb. "And Mello I've been thinking."

"Tch, of course." Mello snickered back but his relief was obvious in the laid back way he sat instead of the earlier defensive way. "Thinking about what?"

"Your death." Near replied, "We need to let Roger know that we have to train a successor for you as well."

Hearing the word 'successor' made Mello freeze for a moment, however, he quickly composed himself. "They're still doing that?"

"Yes, they are. Or rather Roger is."

"I thought he'd become your personal Watari by now."

"He is, as you said it, my personal Watari, but I'd rather not fill this place with people whose services are not needed." Near kept twirling his hair.

"But you're ready to fill this place with incompetent fools?" Mello said quoting Gevanni. A snarky smile returned to his lips.

For the first time Near was startled. Mello was right. In his heartbroken state Near hadn't paid attention to anything around him for quite a while. Only reason for him to staying composed and taking the Kira case to the end was revenge, for the deaths of L and Mello, even Watari and Matt too. But after the case closed nothing could keep him from falling apart. A few cases had come to them within this short period of time but they'd been like a child's play and in the end Near was always left with more time to spend than he actually cared to have.

Mello should've felt triumphant by the way Near was startled. He remembered how back in Wammy's no matter what he did Near would never respond to anything the way Mello wanted him to and it annoyed Mello to no end. But now all it did was make Mello break a little inside. Could his death really have taken such a toll on the boy? And even if it did then why? It wasn't like they were friends or almost like brothers the way he and Matt had been. Only person Near was "close" to was L and even his death hadn't left the boy in such state. Shaking the more and more jumbling up thoughts from his head Mello got up to retire back into his room. Near was right, he really needed a hot shower to get his thoughts back to the track and hopefully find a new purpose to his life. He'd already lost the fight to become the successor. Now he needed something else to do.

But what had Near meant by successor for him too? Would they still train a successor for him even after all he did? Besides wasn't it only the best one who got a successor in the first place? Mello wasn't the best, he wasn't the first. He was only the second.


	6. Chapter 6

Mello took his time to return to the main office, an entire day. He didn't belong to Near's team so joining him in the main office felt stupid. In fact, he wouldn't have bothered if he hadn't gotten so bored. There were also a big bunch of questions swarming around his mind and he needed answers to them. But the biggest reason, which Mello would never admit, was that he wanted to see Near. Near was everything there was left to his old life besides he wanted to see how the boy was feeling now.

To his relief Near had gone back to stacking the tiny blocks instead of flinging them at people. Mello noticed many other differences as well. He could swear that some of the team members hadn't been there when he had arrived. The couches had been changed into leather equivalents and the bag of chocolates was waiting on a tiny table in front of the couches. The evident bags under Rester and Gevanni's eyes were a clear indication that Near had made the two men do all that work within only twenty four hours.

Mello felt his thoughts jumbling up again. After leaving Wammy's each time he'd been reunited with Mello the younger boy had done something that left him confused. First time he'd written 'Dear Mello' behind the photo. Two days ago he'd let Mello in just like that, he'd collapsed into Mello's arms despite being aware of the gun resting against the back of his head. Now he'd done all of these things. None of Mello's normal ways of responding, sarcasm or violence, seemed proper.

Near himself was sitting in front of the largest screen talking to Rester who held a few files in his hands.

"Shouldn't we wait for him to come here so you two could go through these together?"

"I don't think so. He would most probably like to have his own successor. So it doesn't matter whether he check the profiles on his own or with me."

They wee talking about successors. Since they already had the files it meant that Roger knew. Yet he'd still sent the profiles. Was Mello really lucky enough to be considered worthy of getting a successor of his own?

"But sir, you said yourself that the Kira case was solved with both your powers united. Aren't you two going to unite your abilities again?"

"He prefers working on his own. You of all people, commander Rester, should be aware of it by now." Near said in a voice that sounded cranky in Mello's ears.

He decided to put an end to the slowly brewing argument, "Yeah, I prefer going solo."

Hearing his voice Near did it again. He looked over his shoulder in the same way he'd done on the first night. And then he flashed Mello a smile. "Hello. I'm glad you decided to join us, Mello."

Seeing the smile made Mello wonder if his earlier statement was as accurate as he'd initially thought. Maybe working with the black eyed boy wouldn't be so bad. Suddenly a strange feeling took over Mello. He wanted to run his fingers lightly over Near's cheeks. Bewildered, Mello shook the thought away. He was going mad. Instead he approached Rester to see the files.

"Although, I'd prefer getting a few questions answered first and then focus on successors." Mello said hoping he'd be able to buy himself some more time with Near even though he couldn't explain why he wanted it so bad.

"I understand. I would like to have some questions answered as well." Near said still staring owlishly at Mello as if he was still trying to decide if Mello was real or a product of some sort of psychosis.

"Spill it then." Mello huffed feeling strange under Near's startling gaze.

"I would love to talk about it now but we have a case to deal with." Near said suddenly turning away, "I have made a few arrangements so you can feel comfortable. I hope you do."

With that Near shifted his attention completely away from Mello and Rester and focused on the string of information getting typed into the big screen. Mello went to scavenge through the bag of chocolate bars only to return to Near. Flopping down onto a chair next to Near he began to try to figure out the case by the information flashing in the screen too. Rester didn't look happy by the turn of events but since Near looked relaxed with it he had no other option but to place the files in front of Mello with a nod of his head and leave to take care of his part in the case.


	7. Chapter 7

It hadn't taken long for Mello to understand what kind if case Near was working on this time. It was a kidnapping case with a bit too many things going on which made the case hard for just the police to handle. Although Mello did point out some things here and there, mostly he kept to himself and watched as Near worked.

Near sat in the same way L used to. Well, the boys had never met L themselves, but they'd heard of him and by the descriptions Near was the one who matched L more. The way he looked, the way he sat and the way he worked. Yet still L had chosen both him and Mello. Ever since hearing about the chance of getting his own successor he hadn't been able to get rid of this thought. Why would've L chosen him? Now that he thought about it nothing made sense. What if Roger had been right all those years ago, if what Rester had said a while back, about him and Near working together? But how? Near was enough on his own, then why Mello too. Matt was talented too but L had never considered him as one of his successors. Near was an obvious choice. But what had made Mello stand out among all of the boys?

Mello looked away from the big screen and focused on Near instead. The way the boy tediously stacked stick after stick into some sort of building felt awfully relaxing. Mello had missed it. Never before had it meant anything to him, but after Matt died, he'd began to crave for some sort of familiarity in his life. For the first time after so many years he'd felt lonely, the way he used to feel before att had came to Wammy's. Sitting like this with Near felt nice.

"Would you like to say something, Mello?" Near asked suddenly startling the blond boy a little.

"No." Mello turned away realizing his staring must've alerted Near. Mello wanted to focus on something else but it was hard. Near had recovered in surprising speed and right after recovering he'd fired everyone. Then he'd given the task of recruiting new member to commander Rester, he'd sent Gevanni on some undercover work and Lidner had left only a while back when she'd gotten the the task of restocking the chocolate stash since Mello didn't seem to eat anything else. It was just the two of them in the large room and unlike Near Mello didn't enjoy continuous thinking or stacking.

"No one is here," Near broke the silence again. "Would you like to answer the questions now?"

He could. In fact, it was the best moment to do so. The three agents weren't there to get on Mello's nerves. He could easily talk about everything that had been bothering him even though opening up about his feelings and insecurities, and out of all the people to Near, wasn't something Mello fancied doing.

"I guess I could."

"How did you survive." Near attacked in his straightforward way.

"By getting out of the truck." Mello chuckled as if he had cracked the joke of the year.

Near scrunched his nose. "Light Yagami, the real Kira, had slipped during his monologue during his supposed victory, that Kiyomi Takada had written your name on a piece of paper from the death note. You should've been dead."

"Well, in that case something clearly went wrong." Mello sighed. He hadn't been aware about that tiny fact. He thought back trying to figure when Kiyomi could've possibly played the dirty trick. He came up with a few different scenarios but before he could decide upon the most obvious one he got interrupted by Mello.

"Indeed. According to the rules the name of the victim has to be written the right way and the writer has to know certain proportions of the face."

"She'd seen my face." Mello said as realization struck him. He'd let his face be seen when he'd handed her the cloth to wrap around herself so she could strip off of her clothes. Could she have tried it then?

"It wouldn't have mattered even if you hid your face, during searching her home we found a photo of you. Light must've had a way of acquiring the photo of you from some source we hadn't realized to eliminate." Near told him.

The fact made Mello angry. Even though he'd survived everything he'd still been in risk and only because Near hadn't thought about every possible outcome. Moreover Mello was upset about his own failure. He hadn't only shown his face to Kiyomi but he'd also entirely relied on Near to get rid of any of his photos instead of taking care of it himself. He'd survived but he could've died so easily. In a matter of moments blind rage took over him although he was still blaming only Near. Despite everything being over it still was hard to admit that Near was better than he was. At least Near had thought. He'd only relied on Near. With a flash he was pinning Near down by his neck as the boy struggled to breath under his weight.

"How could you not realize?" He hissed at the squirming boy.

"I'm not as perfect as you think, Mello."

Near's answer angered him even more. Of course he was. All these years of competition couldn't have been only the result of what Mello thought. However, suddenly Mello seemed to remember that it didn't matter anymore. The case was over. And so what if he had made a mistake big enough to drop him fro meven the second position? He was still getting his own successor. It didn't matter if he only got it because Near had decided so. It didn't matter at all if Mello had wanted to earn his successor instead of just getting one. He loosened his grip and got up only to sit down next to the laying boy with a loud thump.

"If she's seen your face then only way for you to survive was that she got your name wrong. However, during the search we also found a big bunch of normal paper. She'd practiced the names of any and every potential enemies. Which means she must've known your name too. Then how?" Near stated, still laying on the floor.

Mello was tired. The feeling was sudden but strong enough to make Mello not care. "It doesn't matter. You saved the case, its over and it doesn't matter anymore whether she got my name or face right. You saved me. Besides what does it matter to you if I survived or not. Just let it go." 

Mello wasn't sure what he'd expected. Agreeing huff or an attempt to explain how it had been both their efforts to close the Kira case. But what Near did wasn't something he'd seen coming.

At first Near just turned away from Mello tuning his back at the older boy. Lost in his thoughts, it took some time for Mello to realize Near was sniffing. Was he crying? Despite the awkward situation Mello craned towards Near. His guess was right. The nearly albino boy was crying.

"Hey. Freak?" Mello got worried. He'd never seen Near react to anything in any way apart from the hissy fit on the first night after his arrival. What was he supposed to do when Near showed emotions?

"Sometimes it's hard to tell if you're actually here or if I am imagining everything." Near said, talking more to himself than to Mello. "It happened in Wammy's too. Some nights I would imagine you barging into my room with murder in your eyes but as soon as you landed your first punch on my face I'd realize it was a fragment of my imagination."

Mello was dumbfounded by the confession.

"I don't know what ways of thinking L used, but I always imagined talking to you, Mello. I would always imagine how you'd answer and that has shed light to so many of my conclusions. Whether you wanted it or not you have always worked with me on every case I have ever solved." Near rolled into a tiny ball on the floor making Mello feel bad.

Near had always tried to get along with Mello but the latter had always avoided any kind of team work. Even to the extent of leaving the only home he'd ever had. For the first time Mello realized that maybe each time Near had simply stated how things were he had been actually hoping for more. Maybe four years ago when Near had been sitting on the floor solving the puzzle he'd actually hoped for Mello to agree. Mello tentatively reached out for the boy who was still talking to himself.

"For a moment I thought you'd be real but you're not. My Mello would have never given up. His survival would have mattered to him. Every detail would've mattered to him. You are not my Mello. You are not the Mello I fell in love with. You are just a fragment of my imagination." With a rueful chuckle Near continued, "Any moment commander Rester would walk in and bring me my toys just in case I want to play with them while thinking."

_My Mello. The Mello I fell in love with._

That's what Near had said. The words rang through Mello's head in a continuous loop. Could it be true? Could Near actually have loved him all these years?

What surprised Mello even more was the way instead of freaking out or feeling disgusted he lightly touched Near's shoulder making the boy stiffen under his touch.

"The symptoms are getting stronger," was all Near said before getting up and leaving the room as if Mello truly only existed in his mind and would go away whenever Near decided to switch his mind off. For the time being Mello let that happen. There was just too much for Mello to process.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has even more writing mistakes etc. than earlier chapters. I'm sorry about those, it's just that I have a crappy net and each time I try to write I have to just get writing on one go without paying attention to anything else. However, I'll be getting a better net soon. Once it happens I'll comeback to fix it. Till then I hope you guys enjoy whatever I've managed to write.

Given commander Rester's name the situation was completely ironic. The man was getting more and more restless as minutes and hours passed by. After leaving Mello behind Near hadn't gotten out of his room. He'd confined himself for nearly sixteen hours now and to be honest Mello wasn't feeling any better.

After Near left Mello had headed back to his room as well only to be disturbed by Near's faithful team of three. They'd asked Mello if he knew why Near had suddenly locked himself into his room. Lowkey they wanted to know if Mello was why Near had done it. Mello never answered. Banging the door close on their face he returned to sit on his bed and scoff. Nothing made any sense. He needed to get a grip of himself.

It wasn't like he hadn't try any of that stuff. But it had been with Matt. Any kind of first time he'd ever done was with Matt. Both boys had soon realized that any of that wasn't quite their field of interest. Kissing, touching, _doing the deed_. All of these things had piqued their curiosities, mainly Mello's but after one try with Matt he knew this wasn't the kind of thing he wanted to delve into. Being best friends, maybe even brothers, with Matt had been perfect.

But what about Near? Mello had always paid more attention to Near than he would've needed but all of that attention had been hatred. Now that he thought back he realized that all those times he hadn't been the only one paying his attention, Near had done the same to him. Back in Wammy's he'd often find Near flittering around the places he was. Back then it had felt like Near was continuously trying to rub his talents into Mello's face by focusing on the tasks given to him while Mello most probably fooled around with Matt. Near's words in the main office, however, shedded a new kind of light to all those memories.

Mello wondered if Near had stuck to him out of curiosity or jealousy. If Near was able to feel love for Mello then he could easily feel jealousy towards Matt. Couldn't he? This realization was the cherry on top of his already piled up mountain of questions. There were too many questions he needed an answer to, yet next to no answers had been offered.

Despite feeling antsy Mello had to wait for the proper moment. Commander Restes being restless hindered his plans to confront Near. He somehow managed to wait until Rester stopped barging up and down the hallway to knock on Near's door only to be turned away. When it finally seemed like no one was going to disturb his plans Mello slipped out of his rooms and headed to the end of the hallway. Knocking Near's door softly he waited. When no answer came he tried the handle and surprisingly it opened.

Near was laying on the bed staring at the ceiling. For some reason his way of laying unsettled Mello. He'd seen the black eyed boy lay on any given surface almost all the time. He'll, the guy couldn't even crouch properly. But he'd never seen Near do it in this way. Near's trademark way of laying had always been always sort of childish as if despite almost reaching his twenties he still hadn't realized his childhood was over. Mostly he'd lay on his stomach, those rarer few times when he did lay on his back he did so because someone had forced him to do so or because he'd rolled into that position while thinking. Just the way he'd done earlier when Mello had pinned him on the floor.

Now he was laying on his bed splattered like a starfish. One of his hands was tucked under his head while he traced the wall with his other hand. Faithful to his typical behaviour Near didn't pay any attention as Mello not so discreetly got into the room. He kept tracing the wall.

Getting closer to the bed Mello noticed the clay figure of him sitting on the night table next to Near's bed. He picked it up to inspect it better. It was a funny little thing. It looked like one of those Russian dolls that people liked so much. It wouldn't have surprised Mello at all if Near did own such dolls. Most properly they'd represent all the Wammy boys. Mello wondered if the size of the doll told anything about the person's superiority. Smaller could be less important. In that case Mello must've been quite meaningless to Near however Near's _words_ didn't say so. Could it be that the more smaller and deeper in the bigger dolls the more closer to Near's heart that person was? The theory felt far fetched.

Sudden shuffling noise brought Mello back from his thoughts to present. Near was crouching on his bed now. He was facing Mello and once again he was bluntly just staring at Mello as if Mello was an apparition or a shinigami.

"Commander Rester has joined the game too." He said with a rueful half smirk.

Mello wasn't sure what game he meant. Instead of answering anything Mello sat down next to Near comfortably leaning back. It was the only comfortable thing he could do in this otherwise uncomfortable situation. To his surprise Near suddenly leaned on his side in a seemingly uncomfortable position. Unsure of what to do Mello wrapped his arm around Near's shoulders giving the latter something proper to lean on.

"He acts as if you are here." Near went on talking to himself, "And it bothers me, Mello. He shouldn't do that. He behaves as if you are here, as if he can see you. He even makes rest of them behave so. But they will never know what really having you around feels like. Even I have started to forget. Nowadays I just conjure you up and make you do all of these silly things as if you love me too."

Mello stiffened at the statement. Although he wasn't sure what exactly made him stiffen. He wasn't sure whether it was Near calling the almost hugging silly or if it was Near's desire for Mello to reciprocate to his love. Right then Mello got an idea.

"What if I am real?" He asked Near still hugging the boy.

"If you were real first I'd like to know how you survived Kiyomi Takada." Near answered.

Mello wasn't sure what to make of it. Was it normal for Near to have conversations with the Mello of his imaginations or was this some trick Near was playing?

"You already said only way to avoid death is giving them wrong face or wrong name." He said.

"I already came to the conclusion that she saw enough of your face for it to be enough to kill you. So it has to be your name. She had to make a mistake with your name. But we saw the papers in her house. She'd practiced writing your name and there weren't any mistakes." Near said to himself more than to the "fake" Mello.

Given Near's conclusions it truly was a mystery how Mello had survived. _Mihael Keehl_. Getting his name right wasn't really that hard. It was despite being uncommon quite easy. If anyone saw it once they never made any stupid mistakes. Mello tried to remember when anyone had last time gotten his name wrong.

A memory of his first day in Wammy's flashed through his mind. They'd gotten his name wrong. No one, not even Mello knew anything about his biological family, except that they spoke a language with Cyrillic letters. Mello hadn't really studied any such languages but he was aware of how the alphabets worked. If his original name had been Михаел Кихл, then the transliteration of his name that they'd done at Wammy's wasn't enough to kill him. In that case, technically, he wasn't Mihael Keehl, he was Michael Keechl. Just two c's had saved him from dying.

Mello explained it to Near. It was weird. He'd never gotten out of his way to do anything for the joy but there he was. Hugging the boy close to his body and explaining it to Near as if it wouldn't just help Near's nerves but his own as well. Luckily Near was well aware of how Cyrillic letters worked. Mello didn't even need to get half way there when Near shot his head up in realization.

If what Mello said was true than it had to mean that the theory would work even in real life, which also meant that Mello must've survived Kiyomi Takada's murder attempt. Which meant that the apparition sitting next to him had to be the real person. Near wasn't imagining. He was actually sitting next to Mello. He was actually leaning into Mello's warm hug.

Out of the blue slow streams of tears began to flow down Near's eyes confusing Mello even further. Near never cried yet he had already cried twice within twenty-four hours. The younger boy reached his hand out to touch the scar on Mello's face.

"You are real, aren't you?" Near whispered.

Mello nodded. The whole situation felt so ethereal. The way Mello kept hugging Near, the way Near had craned his neck to look at Mello and touch his face. It was ethereal and intimate. Yet it didn't feel right. Not entirely.

"But you can't be." Near insisted.

"What makes you think so?" Mello managed to whisper back as if someone could hear them and interrupt the moment in the worst possible way if he raised his voice.

"My Mello wouldn't do of this."

The answer bothered Mello. He was entirely capable of loving. Of course, he could do all of what they were doing at that exact moment. However, Mello wasn't dumb to not understand what Near meant. The Mello Near had fallen in love with would've most probably elbowed him when Near had leaned against him. Or he would've gone through the entire conversation to only shrug his shoulders and escape the room in the end.

The Mello Near was leaning against didn't do any of it. To be honest it wasn't only because he needed answers or because he wanted to calm Near down. After losing everything Near was everything he had anymore and just staying in the same building with him had made Mello feel better. Suddenly assuring Near that he was as real as real could ever be felt important to Mello. He had to convince Near he wasn't hallucinating or conjuring up an imaginary friend for himself or else he'd lose his existence.

Maybe better physical touch would convince Near enough? Detaching himself from Near he jumped out of the bed and pulled Near after him. Holding Near's hands he began to twirl around the room. The idea was stupid but it had enough physical contact without containing anything that Mello wasn't ready to do. Despite Near's stiffness Mello kept dancing round and round the room. It was stupid and embarrassing but in his emotional states he'd done a bunch of other stupid things too. Swallowing the embarrassment cause by dancing wasn't hard.

Except it would've been if Near wouldn't have done what he did. He leaned in to slowly twirling Mello and leaned his head on the front of Mello's shoulder.

"I wish I could die like L did. Keeping your memory accurate is getting harder and harder Mello." He murmured against Mello's shirt as he clutched to it and tried to keep Mello from twirling.

He was ready to die for Mello. The statement made Mello's heart break yet another time. Near looked vulnerable yet so beautiful standing like that. And he was right, Mello had changed too much. First he'd been ready to die, then he'd been ready to give up on finding out all the answers. When he'd finally gotten ready to do that he ended up doing things that weren't normal to him at all. Realizing the change made the nonchalance in him go away from the way of sadness. He was sad there was no denying it. And he needed Near just the way Near needed him.

Pressing a kiss on top of Near's head Mello made a vow to himself. He'd convince the boy he was real. He just hoped Near's overworking brain cells wouldn't over process things again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just noticed that I've made way too many silly writing mistakes in the last chapter. I usually write at wee hours so unfortunately this chapter isn't going to get any better. I'm sorry about that. However, I'll soon return to this fic and edit it. Till then I hope you guys enjoy this fic :)

Two nights had passed since he'd first gone to Near's room. Because Near himself still refused to get out and as a result also refused to work on the case he'd taken up Mello had to wait every night for everyone to fall asleep so he could join Near in his room.

On the second night Mello had confirmed all of his suspicions regarding the successor. They were going to train two successors, one for Near and one for Mello. And from what Near said it seemed like Roger did it only because Near had asked him to and he would've personally preferred just choosing one while Near thought they would've chosen two anyway if Mello "had been alive". They were the best, there was no way Near was ever going to consider Mello as the second, and since Mello "would've wanted" to work on his own "if he'd been alive" they would've needed two successors anyway. Mello might've left Wammy's and Wammy's might've been ready to let Mello go but Near wasn't.

_"I can't let go. I won't let go. You were my equal Mello, only if you hadn't been so blinded by the competition. They all were but their blindness didn't matter to me the way yours did."_ These had been Near's words.

The following day Near had still remained in his room while Mello himself had helped Rester deal with the case at hands. To his surprise Rester was quite alright with the way things were going while Gevanni and Lidner were quite cynical about Mello's involvement. Rester explained his trust for Mello with Near. If Near trusted the golden haired boy enough to let him roam around freely in the base while he himself hid in his room then there was no reason to why Rester shouldn't trust him. In Mello's opinion Rester would've made a much better Watari to Near than Roger did. He decided to make his opinion heard. Only if he ever reached such a point with Near.

Now on the third night Mello was sitting on the edge of Near's bed while the latter was sprawled on the floor building yet another elaborate construction with tiny wooden sticks. He'd been at it already for two hours but it didn't faze Mello who went on chewing on a chocolate bar. Despite being a lot better in making his emotions clear to other people Mello was equally capable of pulling of the stoic sitting as Near was. Besides Near wasn't as much of a live statue as people thought making it easy for Mello to even enjoy the silent company of the younger boy. Then again they didn't know Near the way Mello did.

As the minutes changed to indicate that the third hour of the silent sitting was about to complete Near suddenly shuffled to stand up and go to sit next to Mello.

"You done, freak?" Mello asked. He was surprised by Near ending the night with silence. He'd gotten the idea that Near always had lengthy conversations with Mello's "apparition". Maybe that wasn't the case after all.

"Lately I have been letting you take over my mind too much, Mello." Near said and laid down facing away from Mello as if to make Mello disappear that way. "I can't keep this up. I have a case to solve."

"I already did it for you." Mello said and then proceeded to lick his chocolate bar, half expecting Near to once again mutter on his own about how fake the Mello of his imaginations was.

Near did nothing. And it annoyed Mello even more than Near's mutterings. Near was finally trying to take the most drastic action. He was shutting Mello away entirely and it bothered Mello more than Mello realized. In a flash he was pinning Near down again, this time he accompanied it with a punch hitting Near square on his nose. Unfortunately, he wasn't able to draw any blood out.

The very next moment, however, Mello was sitting on the edge of the bed clutching to his crotch. Sometimes he, too, tended to forget that just like L Near was an awesome athlete as well. And he could throw a mean kick the way L did.

"Why'd you do that?" He asked gritting his teeth.

Near stared at him in disbelief. "You're alive? It's you? The real you?" He extended his hand to touch Mello's face.

"Well, that's why I'm here talking with you. Jeez. I thought you'd be brighter than that. Couldn't realize it with just the chit chat we've been doing, needed the fucking punch, didn't you?"

Near's eyes welled up with tears. Soon he was clutching tight to Mello and although Mello hadn't given a permission he still didn't mind. They both had been doing surprising things ever since the Kira case had been solved so one more impromptu hug harmed no one. Besides no one had the right to ask them to act the normal way after a case consisting shinigamis. Once the pain subsided a little Mello moved to properly embrace the boy hanging to him and they sat that way till early hours of morning.


	10. Chapter 10

After the third night Near had finally gotten out of his room. He'd taken up a new case, brought back the order after three days of confusion and made it more than clear to everyone that Mello had officially become a part of the team. However, to Mello and everyone else it seemed like Near was the one who needed the reminder. Despite his otherwise normal, Near like, behaviour in front of everyone he couldn't hide the strange kind of fascination he had for Mello. He'd stare at the older boy as they'd discuss the cases or to be honest on any given moment.

It took some time for Mello to convince Near that he in fact was seeing the actual, very real, Mello. On the other hand it had taken Mello more time than he'd anticipated to return Near's feelings for him. It wasn't like he didn't want it or he was reluctant. He simply didn't have any idea how to get on with it. But slowly and steadily he came around and due to the awkward pining in the beginning the fact that the boys were in a relationship never came as a surprise to anyone when they finally let it slip in front of the entire team.

For Mello the first night at the base with all the cube flinging had been enough of a charmer. He'd fallen for Near the moment the boy had smiled over his shoulder. And years later he still loved that gesture. Over the years despite their successors being almost at the end of their training the two men had managed to stay alive past their thirties without the need of letting the successor take over. They still let them, the one girl and the one boy, join them at their by now thirteenth base soon treating them more as their own children than simply successors.

Sometimes things did get bad for them and not only because of their hazarduous occupation. Mello tended to feel inferior to Near. On such days Near would take a break from his usual hobbies and sit next to Mello on their bed. Twirling a strand of his hair he would remind Mello of all the traits he had in common to L and he'd remind Mello of all the times when he'd been the one who'd helped Near reach a right conclusions to solve a case.

In return Mello always helped Near in every way he ever needed. It had taken a lot of time for Mello to realize how much Near relied on the presence of other people. Soon Mello had made it clear by his actions that there was no way he was ever going to let Near stay alone for even a second unless they needed to part ways for cases. Even in such situations he only relied on Rester to accompany Near as he still didn't think Roger had what it needed anyone to be Watari to Near.

Still wrestling with the most obscure of cases with their team and successors they had no idea that despite all the risky situations they'll manage to grow old together. They had no idea how on the day of their deaths they'd die together. They had no idea how Mello would hold Near's hand before convincing the latter that it didn't matter even if he died at the docks surrounded by stinking fishes as long as Near won't let go. As long as Near would keep him in his mind and his heart and not in the same freak way he'd done it all those years ago. They had no idea that soon after Mello's eyes lost the shine Near would succumb to his wounds still holding the taller man's head on his lap and name on his lips only to be found by their, over the years modified, team.


End file.
